


It Gets Better

by scrappylittlegleek



Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Balcony Scene, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor in Love, Lesbian Lena Luthor, Protective Kara Danvers, Sad Lena Luthor, supercorp balcony scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:52:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappylittlegleek/pseuds/scrappylittlegleek
Summary: The balcony scene from 4x19, but Lena comes out to Kara.





	It Gets Better

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long to write and I'm so sorry, my next scene re-write will hopefully be out faster.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you lately,” Kara said as she and Lena walked to Lena’s CatCo office balcony.

After their heated conversation at L-Corp, all Kara could think about was how she had let Lena down as a friend. The guilt had been eating away at her all day. Her best friend had needed her, and she was nowhere to be found. Sure she had been there as Supergirl, but Lena didn’t need a knight in shining armor. She needed Kara. But all Kara had been doing was collecting quotes for her article and running around in her super suit. Even Alex had been there for her more then she had, and Kara hadn’t even been aware they were friends.

As soon as the words Lena had said at L-Corp had really sunk in, she had cleared her schedule so she could spend the afternoon with her. If Lena would allow her to, of course. She knew she deserved to have to beg like a dog for forgiveness first. And she was ready to, but she understood if Lena wanted nothing to do with her.

“No Kara,” Lena brushed it off with a soft smile, one Kara hadn’t seen in a long time nor had she been expecting to see today. She leaned against the balcony rail, avoiding Kara’s gaze at all costs. The wind blew against her face, hitting her harshly, scrambling the thoughts she’d worked so hard to collect. Lena sighed as she continued to look down at the city beneath her, trying to find the right way to physically form the words that had been haunting her for months now.

“The truth is, even if you’d been standing next to me this whole time I really wouldn’t have let you be there for me,” she admitted and sighed.

Kara shifted her weight on her heels. Relief washed over her, possibly a moment too soon. Lena wasn’t too mad after all. She had just been instinctively pushing Kara away. Sure, that wasn’t a good thing, they would still need to talk about it, but it meant there was no bad blood between them which was better than nothing. However, Kara couldn’t help herself from asking; “what do you mean? Why?”

Lena drew in a breath and looked down at her hands. Her throat was dry and hoarse as if the air surrounding her had wrapped itself around her neck and was now attempting to strangle her. She opened her mouth to speak but she couldn’t make a sound. The words that sat on the tip of her tongue no longer wanted to leave her body, leaving her stuttering and stammering like some sort of imbecile.

“Because I’m the one that’s keeping secrets,” she managed to force out, the effort clear in her voice.

Kara furrowed her brow in confusion, a small crease appearing between her eyes. She couldn’t think of anything Lena would’ve been hiding from her. After all, Kara was the one with the big secret. Lena just didn’t seem like the type to keep something big from her.

Or could she have been so wrapped up in her own secret, she’d been completely oblivious to Lena’s own internal struggle? Kara couldn’t be sure.

“What are you talking about?”

Lena drew in a breath and looked up at Kara. Her eyes filled with tears and her chest ached. How could she do this? How could she say it, when she knew it could possibly ruin everything? The friendship they’d built over the course of two years filled with love, wonder, heartache, and bittersweet sorrow. Saying this one thing, no matter how badly she wanted to, could destroy all of that. It would antagonize her, make her some sort of a predator.

“I…” Lena’s voice trailed off. “I don’t really know how to say this.”

She looked down at the ground and shuffled on her heels.

She’d been searching for an answer for so long. For just a hint of reassurance that she knew she could find in Kara. She needed it more than anything, especially now.

But if it went wrong everything would be destroyed. What if she said it and Kara hated her? Or worse, what if Kara was scared of her?

“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Kara affirmed, she placed a gentle hand on Lena’s shoulder and offered a calming smile.

Lena bit her lip. This was _Kara_ after all. She knew she wasn’t like that.

Lena internally scolded herself for allowing herself to think such terrible things about her. Kara was a great friend, she would never react negatively to something like this. She was warm, caring, and accepting. She was perfect. She would never judge someone based off something so trivial. After all, Alex was gay and Kara didn’t hate or disown her. So why would she react badly to Lena? She was being irrational, just like always.

Despite knowing this very well, Lena couldn’t seem to shake the voice in her head that continued to tell her otherwise. She sighed and blinked back her tears. She had to remind herself that was overthinking, just like she always did. She knew Kara wouldn’t get mad at her. She would be understanding and accepting, just like she always was. Lena was making something out of nothing, creating something to worry about when really, she was fine. Just because she was beating herself up over this didn’t mean Kara would.

“I… for a while now I’ve been thinking about it,” Lena began. She looked up at Kara and took a deep breath. She could do this. “And I… I’m sorry I…”

“It’s okay, take your time,” Kara said softly.

Lena nodded anxiously. She brushed a nonexistent hair out of her face and took another breath. She needed to stop thinking so much and just get the words out. She needed to stop antagonizing Kara. She wasn’t going to be cruel to her, why couldn’t she get that through her head? Kara is good, she is kind. She wouldn’t freak out when she finally said what she needed to say, Lena knew this, so why couldn’t she show she believed it?

“I…  I would’ve said something but I-- I don’t know what to think and I-- I’m so scared because I-- if it’s all real then  I-- I don’t know who I am anymore and I just feel so lost all the time and I’m so worried that if this is true then-- then everything will change,”  Lena rambled.

“Okay, Lena, breathe,” Kara said and chuckled nervously. “Just tell me what’s going on.”

Lena sighed. She glanced up at Kara, shooting her a small, nervous smile.

“I promise, whatever it is, we can find a way to work it out,” Kara said confidently.

“I think I’m gay,” Lena blurted out.

“What?”

“I think I’m gay,” she repeated before she could stop herself.

Kara paused. Was that what Lena had been so worked up over? Her being gay wasn’t a big deal, it didn’t change anything. Admittedly, it actually was kind of refreshing to hear. It meant at least she didn’t have a crush on a straight girl. It meant she was in love with a gay girl who was a million miles out of her league. It wasn’t much better, but it was still an improvement. At least now she was falling for girls who liked girls, even if she would never end up with them.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s horrible for me to assume you would react badly and I-- I’m so sorry,” Lena began to ramble once more. “I’m just-- I’m so scared of it and-- and the person I might be if I--” she stopped when her voice broke. “The person I might be if it’s true. And  I-- I know it makes me weak to be so scared but I… I am and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

Lena held her breath as she awaited Kara’s response. She couldn’t believe she’d said all that out loud. She hadn’t even fully admitted it to herself yet, and here she was, spilling it all to her best friend.

“I can only imagine what you must think of me, Kara. I don’t blame you.”

“No, no” Kara breathed. She instantly wrapped her arms around Lena’s shoulders, pulling her close. Lena melted into the hug as Kara held her tightly. She began rubbing soothing circles on her back and Lena’s shoulders dropped, releasing tension she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

“You are not weak,” she whispered firmly as she felt Lena let out a sob against her. “You are brilliant, kind-hearted, _beautiful_ soul and I am so sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. I’m so sorry.”

Lena couldn’t bring herself to respond. She was too overwhelmed by all the thoughts and emotions that flooded her brain. She was still so terrified of the person she was inside. She had no idea what this meant for her or the people around her. She was filled with fear at the thought of having to come out again. Having to tell Kara was hard enough, and she’d been pretty confident that Kara would be accepting. She couldn’t even begin to fathom what would happen when her mother found out. Or even when the rest of her friends heard the news.

She still couldn’t bring herself to look deep down inside and fully accept who she was. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to become a different person. She didn’t want to have to continue to rediscover herself because she knew rediscovery only meant finding new flaws. Sure, Lena knew being gay wasn’t technically a flaw. But she’d grown up with the burden of marrying a man being pushed down on her shoulders for as long as she could remember. She hadn’t even realized women were really an option until Alex came out. And even then, they hadn’t been an option for her personally. Being gay wasn’t something she was allowed to be. There was no problem with other people, it just couldn’t be her.

So she’d lied. She’d spent months on end trying to push down her feelings. Repeating the words _I’m not gay_ over and over again in her head, hoping with everything she had in her that if she said it enough she would start to believe it. But it worked to no avail. Every time she pushed down one of her feelings, another one popped up. It was like she was playing whack-a-mole, only this game would never end. No matter how hard she tried, she was still filled with butterflies every time Kara walked into a room, and she still yearned for her touch every time she pulled away from a  hug.

So she’d allowed herself to consider the possibility, that maybe, there was just a slight, itty bitty chance that she wasn’t as straight as she thought she was. And as soon as she let that one feeling in, she was hit with a brick wall of millions more that she couldn’t shake off. All of which had led her to this, crying pathetically into Kara’s shoulder.

As Kara began away, Lena gripped onto her arms tightly.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Kara smiled and shook her head. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

Lena chuckled humorlessly as she wiped away her tears. “I do, for assuming such mean things about you.”

“That’s normal, you were scared,” Kara deflected. “I get it, it’s overwhelming.”

Lena sighed and nodded. Kara was so sweet and understanding. She made everything so much better, even when Lena didn’t deserve her kindness she was perfect. _Especially_ when Lena didn’t deserve it.

“You’re so…” she bit her lip when she found herself at a loss of words. “Just… great.”

Kara blushed and bowed her head. “Well, thank you,” she said with a light laugh.

“It’s just so much, you know?”

Kara nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, I know.”

“Trust me, I know how scary it is, but you’ll get through this, even if it doesn’t feel like that now, you will,” she promised.

“How can you be so sure?”

Kara took Lena’s hands in her own and gave them a squeeze, never leaving her gaze if even for a second.

“At first it’s like… when you really start thinking about it, it’s terrifying. There’s this whole rush that just-- it erupts inside of you and you come to this horrible realization that _oh my God I might be gay,_ ” Kara began with a sad chuckle.

Lena nodded. “Yup,” she mumbled.

“And you spend weeks or even months trying to push it down and repress it until eventually you realize that’s just who you are and there’s nothing you can do about it,” she continued.

Lena sighed. “That isn’t very refreshing,” she said coldly.

“I wasn’t done,” Kara said and gave Lena a playful smile. “Because once you pass the phase of all the fear and bad stuff, you realize _this is who I am and that’s okay._ And then from there on out you start to think differently, you start to accept yourself and you learn to not hate yourself for the things you can’t control.”

“When am I gonna get to that part?” Lena asked and chuckled humorlessly as she wiped away her tears.

“It takes time,” Kara said honestly. “It’s hard and it sucks, but what makes it better is knowing you’re not going through it alone.”

She placed her hands on Lena’s shoulders and took a step towards her. Lena’s shoulders tensed at her touch and she could hear Lena’s heart beating fiercely against her chest. It was a noise so loud and intense Kara worried it might burst.

“I’m here for you Lena, no matter what.”

Lena looked down at the ground. She held her breath, too scared that if she allowed herself even an inch more of vulnerability she would start to cry again.

“I know what you’re going through, and I’ll be here with you for as much as you’ll let me,” Kara said and smiled reassuringly. Lena looked back up, her eyes meeting Kara’s as her shoulders began to slowly relax.

“It’s gonna get better. I promise.”

Lena released her breath and gave a small smile. “Thank you, Kara.”

Her chest still ached from crying, she still felt stiff and anxious. It wasn’t getting any easier to take deep breaths or ground herself. The self-hatred that came from accepting herself still filled her body, taking over every square inch of her skin. But at least now she knew that someday the heartache and the fear would eventually start to chip away, little by little. She knew it would be a long grueling process, but one day, she wouldn’t feel this terrible. And that in itself was something.

“For what?”

“For always being there, even when I don’t deserve you.”

One day it wouldn’t hurt this much, and that was something she could look forward to.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated :)


End file.
